dairyfir

How am I gonna live tomorrow Without you by my side How am I gonna pass through the days Without your figure filling in my days My heart wasn't hurt like this before Sun wasn't shining like days before The night wasn't dark like the nights before And I don't see stars anymore When something is over is that over? Is that a real ending even if it feels not real? I don't want it to be over but it has to end And what am I supposed to do when you're not mine anymore? Don't worry, the storm has over Dear myself, you're gonna be fine just wait sit tight and see Dear myself, everything happens at least for one reason Dear myself, even if time felt like wouldn't heal, you're gonna see different versions of yourself Dear myself, when he was hurting you doesn't mean everybody would hurt you  I was too busy listening to my messy mind  Got tension, under pressure, blaming myself for everything that happened I underestimated myself Thinking that I'm no...

My sleepless nights have achieved a days streak.  I have thought that I'm letting go, but I don't know what exactly things I release. I always think that I'm okay, and turns out that's a lie. Is there any person who knows how to get rid of things, things that always haunted us, things that used to be ours, things that have never been the same as before? How to deal with all of that?  At first, I thought that our breaks were good riddance. How stupid I am! We'll never feel how bigger we love something or someone until we lost them. There is nothing between us now, but how could I miss you more than when we were together? For sure, I know there is no certain time to completely erase you from my life.

pic source Bulan Oktober ini diawali dengan menonton salah satu film klasik yang juga punya rating tinggi di IMDB, yaitu 12 Angry Men. Film ini udah lama berdiam di laptop, sekitar tiga bulanan. Bukan gaada waktu untuk nonton sih, cuma tertunda karena emang belum mau aja dan banyak watchlist lain yang harus diselesaikan. Awal tau film ini dari Quora , ada salah satu penulis di sana yang bilang kalau 12 Angry Men adalah salah satu film yang wajib ditonton. Film yang penyajiannya hitam putih, gaada adegan aksi yang keren dan brutal, gaada  setting tempat yang bagus, maupun aktor dan aktris muda yang rupawan. Film ini cuma fokus sama 12 tokoh laki-laki, usia paruh baya sampai kakek-kakek yang berkumpul di suatu ruangan sempit. Mereka sebagai juri pengadilan, yang akan memutuskan satu nyawa apakah akan mati karena terbukti bersalah atau sebaliknya.  Meski ga punya hal-hal keren kaya di film-film lain, film ini sangatlah jenius dan merupakan suatu mahakarya. Ada ya ...

No matter how hard we try to live in peace, there will always be something happened to intrigued our life.  Because, happiness isn't something immortal, and so do with sadness. 

Sometimes, we end up with something we don't want or even something we don't expect. 

Dr. Strange in Multiverse of Madness : I love you in every universe. Waymond in Everything Everywhere All At Once : In another life, I would have really liked just doing laundry and taxes with you.

pic source from IMDB Sex Education Season 1 - 2019 Season 2 - 2020 Season 3 - 2021 Hari ini aku baru aja namatin salah satu series  yang udah aku ikutin beberapa bulan ini, yaitu Sex Education season satu sampai tiga. Nontonnya tentu dibarengi sama series dan film-film lain, makanya selesainya lama. Sex Education ini bukan tipe series yang fast-paced kaya La Casa De Papel, jadi aku nontonnya pas bener-bener santai aja. Series ini gamblang, termasuk vulgar juga di beberapa episode, ringan, dan kehidupan para karakternya relate sama kehidupan nyata. Apalagi sountrack- nya enak-enak dan outfit yang dipakai para tokohnya tuh gemes-gemes. Aku paling suka sama jaket tiga warnanya Otis, yang diperanin sama Asa Butterfield. Sempat kepikiran mau beli, tapi gatau di mana. Series ini kan udah muncul dari 2019 yaah, tapi dulu-dulu tuh, aku gaada tertarik. Karena dari judulnya aja nih, wah pasti ya bakal banyak scene "yang gitu". Cuma waktu itu lagi explore Netflix dan...

I remember I love foreign songs since I was a little kid, I can't even remember exactly the time was. My mother played the song she loved a lot, mostly 90s & 80s. She influenced me.  I like everything about Thailand since grade (maybe) 4. I was in love when I listen to their language. I'm obsessed because I heard some from movies. But, until now I only know Sawadee Kha and Mai Pen Rai. I like the language but it doesn't motivate me to learn the language. Besides, I prefer Spanish and Japanese to learn now and accompany my (suck)cess English. Even inconsistency always facing me. And when it comes to language, it always begins with a single song that guided me. Music and song are universal languages. I never cared what I listen to as long the music can comfort me.  The hardest and most annoying part of that is, that I can't sing the song, especially Thai songs and Mandarin songs. No matter how many times the songs are played, I can't memorize and spell them correc...

"Apa yang kamu tanam, itulah yang akan kamu tuai." Kalau kita melakukan hal-hal yang baik, kita akan mendapatkan hal-hal yang baik juga. Kalau kita berbuat hal yang buruk, akan mungkin kita mendapat keburukan. Tapi, gimana kalau kita merasa bahwa kita selalu melakukan hal-hal yang baik, dan kita tetap melalui keadaan yang tidak sesuai dengan harapan kita? 

May 2022 would be the month that I never forget for my entire life. Mixed feelings, such as guilt and sadness, but I still have a blessing in disguise. It made me see the world not as before. I know exactly what I feel, but I don't know what they've been through.  And I don't wanna know, what exactly they think about me. Since some people that I know always wear a mask.  Hope June blessed us. New month, new hope, and a new spirit. 

Dalam hidup orang lain, diri kita tidak pernah sama. Kita yang baik menurut A, belum tentu si B akan mengiyakannya. Pada satu hari, sangat mungkin bahwa kita membuat orang lain tersenyum dan bahagia meski dengan hal-hal kecil yang kita lakukan, tapi di saat yang bersamaan, kita juga bisa membuat orang yang lainnya justru kecewa dan sedih. 

I always got a fever when my feeling quickly changed. It's normal by the way. The response from my body when there's something that may be disturbed the cells in my brain.  A little dream in the dawn had made a bunch of feelings in my heart. I dreamt of an old friend in my childhood who brings so many memories. I never thought about her before, but when the dream comes, suddenly I tried so hard to get in contact with her which is now I have already contacted her. It was a long long time ago since we connected the last time.  This thing made me delighted. The past played in my head and made me relieved cause I remember it all too well. One minute you're happy and the other you're sad. The line that I've got from If Life Is So Short by The Moffats . Feelings always change. Funny isn't it? When you are so angry with the traffic, when you are late to catch up the bus or train, when someone is not on purpose spoiled your coffee, or when you run out of food for dinner...

I know someone who lives alone. She is a widower. Her husband had died years ago. She doesn't have a single kid or grandkids. She lives in another city where she doesn't have relatives who are closest to her. I thought it was just in movies, but it happens in my real life. All too real! Somehow, many people feel lonely. Even one of my friends has many circles but she told me can feel lonely too. Many of us, standing in a crowd but always feel alone. It's normal maybe, but it's ironic.  No matter how many friends do we have, but who understands us. Now, with the widower, what do you think? I can't imagine how does it feel to her. I know even she has no one besides her, she has people who care for her. Still, she must be lonely. She has nothing. And it can happen to us.  We always wish and are told to long live in this life when we got birthdays. But what if we are the ones who left when people we love had left us first?