Nightmare

Sebelumnya, aku hanya menulis tulisan ini di jurnalku. Sekarang, aku memindahkannya kesini.

Jumat, 12 November, pukul 2.41 dini hari.

Aku terbangun dengan dada yang sesak karena mimpi yang terlalu buruk. Aku bermimpi akan suatu hal yang tidak pernah aku inginkan untuk terjadi. Di dalam mimpiku, seseorang yang sangat aku kenal, seseorang terdekatku, meninggal dunia. Setelah itu, aku menangis dan sulit untuk berhenti meskipun aku telah berlindung kepada Allah melalui tahajud. Mimpi macam apa ini? Mengapa mimpi ini sangat menyiksa? Tetapi aku sangat lega karena itu semua hanya mimpi. Jika kenyataan, aku tidak bisa menyanggupinya, tidak sekarang.

Meskipun mimpi ini buruk, mimpi ini menyadarkanku, bahwa ternyata aku sangat-sangat menyayangi seseorang itu. Aku bukanlah orang yang sempurna. Terkadang (atau mungkin sering) membuat kesalahan-kesalahan yang menyakiti orang-orang di sekitarku. Aku kadang bersikap buruk karena pengaturan emosi di otakku sepertinya sedikit tidak benar. Dan mimpi ini benar-benar menyadarkanku untuk jangan melakukan hal yang buruk lagi. Meski kadang aku bersikap buruk pada seseorang itu, ternyata aku sangat menyayanginya, aku tidak ingin kehilangannya.

Tidak mudah untuk memberhentikanku dari menangis, karena sampai aku menulis ini, aku masih meneteskan air mata. Aku menangis bukan karena aku percaya mimpiku ini jadi nyata. Aku menangis karena, ternyata rasanya begitu pedih dan menyiksa jika kehilangan seseorang yang ternyata kita sayang. Apalagi dalam mimpiku, seseorang ini pergi tanpa mengucap perpisahan atau sekedar memberi tanda.

Mimpi itu mungkin hanya terjadi dalam hitungan menit saat aku tidur, tetapi ketika aku bangun, mimpi itu seakan adalah kenyataan yang sedang aku jalani saat ini. Mimpi itu menaruh luka dan kepedihan yang mendalam. Aku justru berharap luka ini tidak pernah sembuh, agar aku bisa selalu mengingat bagaimana rasa sakitnya kehilangan seseorang sehingga aku akan menghabiskan waktuku untuk selalu melakukan hal-hal yang baik.

Sesuatu yang benar-benar bisa meruntuhkan dunia seseorang bukanlah kegagalan, melainkan kehilangan seseorang yang ternyata adalah bagian dari diri kita. Terlebih jika kita kehilangan seseorang di saat kita mengalami kegagalan. Kepedihan mana lagi yang bisa menyaingi ini?

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Welcome to My Virtual Home!

Hi, there! Welcome to my blog! I am nobody, but sometimes I would like to share my thoughts, my views, my opinions, even no one listen to me. My hobbies are watching movies, listening to the music, reading books, and collect some quotes from there. So maybe I'll write the stuff like that in here. I'm just an ordinary girl who living in an extraordinary world. I would say thank you to those of you for visiting this blog, my virtual home. Hope you can enjoy and get a good vibes. Love, Firly Alvita

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